Blog Collaboration Intro

I’m so excited to announce our next collaborator, Stephen. I know Stephen all because of a semicolon keychain and we just hit the ground running on ideas! I am very thankful for his story as it is a glimpse into a totally different side of mental hardship. Even more important I am excited to introduce a male perspective!

Depression comes in all shapes and sizes and is handled in a broad spectrum of ways. It was very apparent from the first time I chatted with Stephen that his faith is very strong and he leans on it. So help me welcome Stephen!

Hi there! My name is Stephen Keeling and I am 27 years old. My wife Jenn and I have been married for 5 years and we have three children; Julius, Sydney, and one on the way! Our firstborn Julius is my mini-me in every way. He is 4 years old and everything from looks and attitude is identical, but he does have a little bit of his mom 😉 Sydney Jane is our second child and by far our biggest miracle. She was stillborn 7 days before our due date and is the reason we have a story to share. Our third child at the time of writing this is still cooking, but we are getting very close! We are due around the end of April and have kept it a surprise for everyone, but God on what the gender is. While we do have some names picked out, no one in our family, the doctors, or even us know what we will be having.

I’d like to express my appreciation to Mattie for letting me be a part of this blog and to share our story. My wife may chime in a little from time to time and we may show both perspectives, but know that we both will always put our heart into every post 🙂 While neither of us have a direct link to self-harm or suicide; we do both have a story to share of HOPE! That is what we would like to share with every post, is the Hope we have found and the positivity we have experienced in every situation. I pray that this blog is a blessing to you and is something you will look forward to sharing with us! Know this, in every trial, hardship, or earth-shattering event; it is Never the end of your story. There may be a new chapter beginning where one has just come to a close or you may be in the middle of a hard chapter of life. In any event there is always Hope. There is always a positive side to focus on. So follow along and pay close attention, we have exciting things in store for you!!

Well I guess it doesn’t matter anymore

“There are blood stains everywhere on your sheets. It looks like you’ve killed someone.”

I can still hear these words, told by my mother earlier today as she was doing the laundry. She does not know I self-harm, she still thinks it’s the “acceptable” monthly blood. And yet she can feel something is not right, there is too much blood, but she does not get what exactly is wrong. She will never get it because I will not let her know why there is too much blood. I will not let anybody know about the delicate self-torture that takes place in my room three times a week. I cut and I burn so that the sad bored version of myself let the happier and calmer me take the rains, so that I am in peace. And this, no one will ever know, this is why I am unblameable, unjudgeable and above all unstoppable.

I don’t even want to stop anymore, I’ve stopped trying to quit when I realized it hurt me more than self-harm itself and self-harm became so normal to me now. I keep telling myself it’s not that bad. After all, it helps, or at least I feel it helps. Some people drink to feel good, others eat, others smoke, I self-harm and the immediate consequences are positive. I even try to convince myself it is self-care. It is my trick to make myself happy, it is a moment I spend caring only about myself, it is only me and my body, only me and my feelings. And yet I know it’s all but a lie to myself, self-harm should not be considered normal, self-harm is unhealthy. I find this tragically fascinating, how you can get used to things that would shock so many people. I still remember the time when I was shocked as well, when it was still something not okay to do. When I started self-harming I did not know what self-harm was. I freaked out each time I hurt myself. I would cut then look at myself in the mirror and see what I had done. I saw a mad woman. Why would anyone hurt themselves on purpose?

But repeated self-harm often leads to tolerance and habituation, and now I have to cut deeper, more often and burn as well to get the same feeling of relief. How did I let this happen? How could I get used to it? I still do not understand and I blame myself for this. I do not understand why I kept doing it when I could still stop. And yet I can still stop. People often think it is an addiction, it may be to some but not to me. I am not addicted, I could stop if I wanted, but I don’t want to because I am dependent, I rely on it. I can stop for weeks and I have already done so, but what is the point if these weeks become unbearable? Now that I’ve been self-harming for two years, it is part of my life, it is part of who I am and I have forgotten how it is not to self-harm. This is why this remark made by my mom, it looks like a murder, made me feel so uncomfortable: it was a reminder of how violent self-harm is.

Blog Collaboration Intro

Hey everyone! I am so excited to announce my first blog collaborator, Nina. She has written her own intro for me to post so everyone knows what’s going on. She will then post her own content with her own signature so everyone can differentiate between who the blogger is! So without further ado help me welcome Nina!
Hello everyone,
My name is Nina, I am a 22 years old French girl, going on 23. I have been self-harming for more than 2 years now and I am extremely grateful to Mattie for letting me share my story on her blog. I hope this will help you better understand self-harm and mental health and make you feel less alone if you suffer as well. I wish I had known I was not alone when I started self-harming as it took me time to stop feeling guilty and understand what was happening. I would not want anyone to feel that way. I now feel way better than when I started, although I haven’t stopped self-harming yet.
I like to read about self-harm in my free time, but it is obviously not the only aspect of who I am, I have plenty of diverse interests. I love (horror) movies, music, cooking and politics and I am fascinated with the American culture.
Thank you and have a nice day!
Nina

Attention Attention

I am looking for people to share their personal stories that fall under the following categories:

Depression

Anxiety

PTSD

ADD/ADHD

Psychotic Disorders

Personality Disorders

Self Harm

Suicide

Share your story in any way you like. Do you prefer to type it out in classic text form? That’s great! Are you more of a visual person? Wonderful! Create a story board that can be uploaded. A small amount of text would need to be included! I am completely open to all forms of collaboration!

If you are interested please contact me by email at beautifullyontheedge@gmail.com

Answer the following questions and if you are a fit for my blog I will let you know!

1. Name

2. Age

3. How did you hear about the opportunity?

4. Why are you interested in being a collaborator on “A Place For My Head?”

5. Are you comfortable sharing your personal information under your name or would you prefer a pen name?

6. What way would you like to share your story? (Classic blog post, visual, other form?)

Matt;e