Tell Me You Love Me

I think it is time for me to talk up my husband a little! I firmly believe I don’t have to put it out for the world to see, but sometimes I really enjoy bragging on him.

I “met” Jeremy in 2007 when we started chatting on IM because a mutual friend told me I should chat him up. You know you always have that friend that you don’t view as anything but a friend. That was Jeremy. I wouldn’t meet him in person til 2008.

I love to tell the story of our first date. A few weeks after we actually met I had planned to come up to Decatur with two friends and Jeremy was supposed to meet us. He totally stood me up so after the first part of my evening with my friends I made them take me to his house, I knocked on his door, and I told him “get in the car we are going to eat.” And the rest is history LOL! Not really but that was the beginning of a relationship that my parents had taught me I was worthy of. Don’t get me wrong I dated some guys that weren’t all bad, but each had a distinct characteristic that wasn’t worth my effort. (Another blog another day)

Jeremy was the first person I could tell everything about myself. I didn’t feel like I had to hide things and while in the beginning he didn’t understand all the quirks that made me…me he has helped me more than anyone will ever know.

After a little over a year of dating Jeremy proposed to me on his birthday and on November 12, 2010 we were married. Everyone tells you the first year of marriage is the hardest. Marriage is hard period. It took 6 years and 2 kids to get settled in and living with a spouse that has anxiety, depression, and sometimes paranoia can be taxing. Jeremy is a trooper.

There were multiple times in our first 5 years of marriage where I would get beside myself. I vividly remember one night walking out, getting in my car, and driving away. It was nothing that Jeremy did. I had to deal with my demons the only way I knew how at that point. I am thankful he is comfortable enough to seek guidance from my mom. I remember sitting in the Austin parking lot (not even a mile from our house) and crying my eyes out. About 30 minutes later I got a call from my mom stating how worried my husband was. That was like round 5 of going off my medicine because I kept forgetting to take it.

A common theme you will see in this blog is the day I decided I had to get help. It was early January 2017 and I was completely beside myself, raging through our house, making a fool of myself in front of my husband and my children. Jeremy found me in the floor of our closet crying. (I hadn’t gone a day in over 2 weeks without crying over something at this point) This is how amazing this man is. He gets down on my level, gets the “Jeremy voice”, pulls off his wedding ring and asks me why I gave that to him. Completely surprised I started to calm down and we just sat there while I dried it up. He gets the kids situated (y’all he is an amazing dad!) and in bed and then we have one of many serious discussions. That’s the one thing I love about my marriage. Jeremy and I don’t “fight.” We May have very heated discussions and disagreements, but we live by the old saying “never go to bed angry.” We hash everything out and it’s over!

The next day I found a psychiatrist and the journey began to change my life. I still currently see my psychiatrist and after a year of therapy my therapist felt I was in a good place to only come in if I needed “maintenance.”

Over the last 10 years Jeremy has come to understand if he thinks something is “off” to ask me or call me out on it. We are far from perfect, but our marriage has survived some of the lowest lows. We didn’t have an exit strategy when we decided to get married and we don’t have one now. We are in this for forever and I love getting to spend my days with him!

Matt;e

1 thought on “Tell Me You Love Me”

  1. I am so proud of you for sharing your journey. Sunday our pastor said that we need to find purpose in our heartache. That is what you are doing with your blog. I love you my sweet girl! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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